Dilemma

Lebaran holiday is over...hm..for me, actually, everyday is holiday since i hold my Bachelor's degree last month though i still have my part-time job as an English teacher in Grow Up twice a week. But it's kinda different for people around me, let's say my bf and my sis. They really enjoyed the work-day-off. Me??? of course i was happy cos i got free-week of teaching and everyday i had lots of activities: my bf asked me to go out (dating, eating, or fam day-out) or just came by to my house^^. As my sis, she always wakes up earlier than me which sometimes it really annoys me..c'mon, it's holiday and she wakes me up in the morning.. but i don't know why, i'm happy for that. Seeing that i can still gather with her n my mom, just sharing each other and talking bout everything=) i love every single moment like this. As you know, my dad passed away 12 years ago and my 2nd elder sis has been married and she's in Kupang for good, having their own business and taking care of their two wonderful children. I miss them so much..

Ok, back to the topic, everybody back to work, and me...still at home, enjoy my free-lazy-day, all day browsing, chattin, blogging, and keep thinking. Thinking of my future job, thinking of my life, thinking bout everything!! As a matter of fact, i haven't applied for any job yet. Still confuse about it. I don't wanna be a teacher which is my major i took. I wanna be a stewardess, yessss...SQ stewardess hehehe but pros n cons about this job. This job came out in my mind for about 6 months ago when i saw my church friend being a SQ stewardess. wow..what an interesting job! you can travel all around the world which is my goal in life hehehe i know, this one is only the advantage besides there are still many of disadvantages. Anyway, being a stewardess is my 2nd dream when i were a child. My 1st dream is being a teacher, and here i am..a part-time teacher. So now, i want to reach my 2nd dream but I don't want to sacrifice everything just for getting this job. NO! Otherwise, I keep praying for this decision and I believe God will give me and guide me to my best.

I wait for the open recruitment expectantly. A few days ago, i open the website and they'll have a walk-in-interview this Oct 20. WOW..i'm so surprised and can't wait for the day. yippiiiee..i'll try even though i don't know yet whether i'm accepted or booted out, at least..i try!
Now, i have a doubt of it. Okay..if i am booted out, i can continue my life and try another job. If i'm accepted, here comes the problems. Is the job best suited me? Can i do the job with the pos n many of its neg aspects? Do i really want it? How about my family? How about my almost-7-year relationship with my bf? and many more...
From his point of view. Deep in his heart i know he doesn't want to let me go. A part of me says so, but this is my life..i just starting my life to reality. Is it sounded that i'm an egoist person????oh..this feeling keep in my mind..somebody helps me?
Surprisingly, my lovely bf keeps supporting me even though only 20-30% i think :P and it's normal. No one can easily let the loved one go. The only promise i can give is i never cheat on him..and i'm sure he knows it..but it doesn't mean that i or he can't find someone else. Only God knows! and as the "pepatah" said "kalo jodoh ga kemana" which i believe that statement ;p and i always talk like this to him hehehe

Well, I think i write too much about this-unclear-complicated thing hahaha... I'm really in a dilemma T_T but still, i'll do my best on Oct 20! =)